Seen Any Mythological Creatures Lately...Grab a Camera!



Painting by Phil Sandusky

Working in the book shop often provides the funniest and most bizarre situations.  I've often said we could film a sitcom here...people would be constantly entertained.



Telephone Customer:  (After she asked about books in which the titles escaped her.)  How come there are so many festivals in this city? 

Me:  People that live here like to eat good food and listen to music.  They give the tourists a taste of New Orleans, and they help support local businesses.

Telephone Customer:  Don't they know they're creating a taxi shortage!  I don't know if you know there's a taxi shortage in in this city.

My Thoughts: I prefer that people drinking alcohol at the festivals ride home in a taxi and not be on the road when I am.

 

Pre-Hurricane Katrina he book shop phone number was very similar to the Winn Dixie Grocery Store.  Several times a day we'd get phone calls similar to this:

Me: Garden District Book Shop

 

Telephone Customer: (Shouts) Give me the meat department!

 

Me: Sir, this is a book shop.

 

Telephone Customer: This is Winn Dixie's number, give me the meat department!

 

Me: Sorry sir, this is still a book shop.

 

My Thoughts:  It's was always a male...sorry guys.

 

 

There is a Garden District Tour that leaves from the book shop twice a day, every day.  (For those of you unfamiliar with New Orleans, the Garden District is a very well-to-do neighborhood with incredible architecture.  Anne Rice, Sandra Bullock, John Goodman, Archie Manning, Nicholas Cage have all owned or currently own houses in this neighborhood.)



 

Customer: I'd like to buy tickets to the Garden District Tour?

 

Me:  There are no tickets, you just pay the Tour Guide.  You meet them in the back corner of the book shop (I pointed directly where they need to go.) five minutes before the tour begins.

 

Here are a few alternate endings to this conversation:

 

Customer:  Where's the book shop?  (This is after they walked under our sign and are standing among hundreds of books.)

 

Alternate Ending:

 

Customer:  Do I have to go outside to get there?

 

Alternate Ending:

 

Customer: So I wait outside?

 

My Thoughts:  I generally give tour instructions slowly to try to get them to listen...they never do.

 

 

 

 

Every Tuesday afternoon for about a month, a guy called and asked us to look up various sex books.  He never ordered anything.

My Thoughts:  I don't want to know what was going on at the other end of the phone...

 

 

 

Telephone Customer: I placed a special order and I'd like to check whether it has come in. She indicated that she placed an order for a Pocket Guide to Thailand and under the name D-W-E-E-B. (She spelled the name and never pronounced it.)  The employee searched for the order and could find nothing listed with that name. I began to help her search and searched the special order database for anything with Thailand in the title. A special order was displayed that had been placed two days before, on a Saturday. The special order was under a totally different name, Blaster.

Book Shop Employee: Excuse me, but this order is under a different name, B-L-A-S-T-E-R.

 

Telephone Customer: …oh yes, that’s one of my names.

 

My Thoughts:  And we would know you have multiple bizarre names, how?  Let alone that the order was placed on a Saturday and it was the following Monday.   There does need to be a business day in the mix to actually have UPS delivery. 

 

 

The New Orleans Saints are played in the Superbowl, 2010:

Co-Worker: I have absolutely loved explaining to customers today that the reason the streetcar isn't running is because there is a parade of men wearing dresses to honor a deceased sportscaster.

I told him I’d be willing to work, so I could tell them.

  

The sportscaster, Buddy D passed the previous year. Buddy always said if the Saints went to the Superbowl, he’d wear a dress. He even had one hanging in his office for that sole purpose.
 

 We had a customer who could not read James Patterson hard covers, as the paper and ink made her hands itch   Seriously...



 

Telephone Customer:  I would like you to get me a signed copy of Kate Chopin's Awakening and I'd like her to sign it to my father.

 

Me: Kate Chopin is dead...  Died in 1904.

 

Telephone Customer: Handle it and then send it to my father. 

 

 



 

This is far too funny not to share...  My boss' name is Britton Trice.  Everyday when we receive the mail or take telephone calls -  his name is butchered in every imaginable way:  Tritton Brice, Brighton Rice to name a few.  But a few years ago he received a check in the mail from someone local, who's known him for years and the check was made out to "Bitten Twice." 

 

This is hysterical on so many levels...our shop is where Anne Rice used to sign books when she lived in New Orleans and then the whole New Orleans Vampire scene.  We have given serious thought to getting him a tshirt with this on it. 

 

Meanwhile the local check writer is swearing off spell check.

 



 

And one of my favorites:

Me: Garden District Book Shop

Telephone Customer: I'd like a photograph book of mythological creatures?


My Thoughts:  Hmmm...they're mythological!

Pardon Me, I Didn't Hear You

I lost the hearing in my left ear at 19. This resulted from the antibiotics given to me for bacterial meningitis, and that story is a whole other blog.

My discovery occurred, the day I came home from the hospital (for the first time) when trying to make a phone call with the phone to my left ear. I insisted the the telephone was broken. It was a very rude awakening.

But, today I want to write about the interesting things I've learned since losing my hearing.

• Never answer yes to anything you don't hear. At 19, you are young and silly, seriously, and you do many bizarre things when you can't hear with both ears. I cannot tell you how many times I did this before the realization sunk in that this was not a good idea. But after many lewd proposals, I stopped.
  • Don't be embarrassed to tell people you cannot hear them. Make a joke of this...if people are rude, they're either really uncomfortable about your hearing lose or not really your friends.
   
  

  
  
• It's impossible to ride a bike with someone riding next to you or with cars passing close to you. You'll fall over, you have NO balance. If someone comes up behind you and shouts that they are there, you'll have no idea exactly where that might be. I had huge mirrors on my bike and only rode early in the morning, but it became so stressful making sure I wasn't cutting someone off or pulling into traffic - I sold my bike.
  • Walking is wonderfully enjoyable.
  
  

  
  
• In a group situation always sit at the end of the table facing everyone (preferably with your back against a wall, so the sound bounces off the wall), you can then see when someone is speaking and focus on them.
  • Most of my friends know that this is not something I enjoy. So large group restaurant/bar events are kept at a minimum.
   
  

  
  
• You cannot go to loud enclosed concerts, as you are at risk of losing the remainder of your hearing.
  • But New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival, French Quarter Fest, Wednesday's at the Square, Second Lines, and much more - the plethora of outdoor music in New Orleans is fabulous and beyond compare. If you go to a bar to listen to music, sit as far as possible from speaker, preferably near the door.
  
  
• You never know which direction a siren is coming from.
  • Use your eyes instead of your ears.
  
  

  
  
• When you're tired you walk too close to walls on your deaf side.
  
  • Bruises heal.
    

• Reading lips is exhausting. 90% of lipreading is body language and context. A lot of words look similar (e.g. pig/big, hand/sand/stand, black/bland/blunt, cat/can). Men are harder to lipread than woman, because most men use little body language and minimal lip movement. If the man has a mustache, it's near impossible - especially a bushy mustache. You notice EVERYONE's teeth.
  • Know that when you go off to a corner searching for quiet...it's time to leave.
  
  

  
  
• Loud noises and commotion will make you insane.
  • Know this and try to get out of these situations.
  
  
  
• Be prepared for lack of understanding and (unfortunately) sometimes, stupidity:
   





 


 
• People talking with no sound coming out (in my experience it's always men).
• People pretending to do sign language.
• People covering their mouths when they realize you're reading their lips or alternately covering their mouths and speaking.
• Whispering in the deaf ear.
My niece, Jillian, used to tell me secrets...they were always in my deaf ear.  I'd laugh and tell her they were secret from everyone.  So I had my deaf ear double-pierced, then Jillian would come to tell me a secret and she would see two earrings and know there was no hearing.  Then she'd come around to my other ear.
• Standing behind shelves or in another room and calling you (when you're deaf in one ear you have no sense of direction.)  Unless you can see the person, you have no idea where they are located.

• Loud throbbing bass in cars to the front, back, or side of you will make you dizzy.  Don't know the science of this...but it's happened to me many times.  Roll your windows up and plug your good ear, and move away when you can.

• Surround sound and headphones are useless...you only hear in mono.

But ultimately, there are many things that have occurred because of my deafness that outweigh the fact that I cannot hear correctly.

My other senses are sharper:

• Colors are brighter

• Music is sweeter

Lucia Micarelli (aka. Annie T) and John Boutte

• Smiling faces are amazingly beautiful

 

• Laughter is musically wonderful

This will make you happy for the rest of the day...bet you watch it multiple times!

• Clouds are stunning

• Sign Language is understanding in motion.

• Beauty surrounds you, daily.  Don't miss it...