Speedee Mike

I had a strange experience recently....  The Wednesday before Thanksgiving I went to Speedee Oil Change, to of course, get my oil changed.  While I was there they were going to do a few other things as well, so I was waiting inside with a book.  A man came in and we had a nice 20 minute conversation.  Before he left he asked for my number and I gave it to him.  After this conversation, I knew his first name, approximately where he lived, he works in the hospitality industry, works two jobs and was working both jobs on Thanksgiving.  He knows my first name, that I live at Blue Plate Artist Lofts, and that I work at Garden District Book Shop.

Later Wednesday he texted me and thanked me for the pleasant conversation.  Thursday he texted, Happy Thanksgiving,  Then I didn't hear from him again until Sunday at 1:30PM, when he left me a message:

1. Apologizing for not calling me sooner.
2. Inviting me an party at 4PM, Sunday.
3. His MOTHER'S birthday party at a hotel!

My first reaction was, NO freakin way am I going anywhere on 31/2 hours notice.  And there is no way in hell I'm going to your mothers birthday party, we haven't even been on a date or even spoken for more than 20 minutes. Oh and go to a hotel?  Not in this lifetime.

He was at work when he left the message, so I politely texted him:  "Thank you for the invitation, but I'm busy today."  His response, "OK."

As I explained this to my coworkers: Ted and Susie, I elucidated, that I didn't even know his last name, so he is listed in my phone as Mike Speedee.  Yet, he wanted me to meet his mother.  They both agreed, that what I should be calling him is Speedee Mike.  A number of friends have theories about what his issue may be...so y'all pick the alternate ending.

1. He wants to poison me and taxidermy me to sit on the couch next to him forever and ever.
2. He wants to introduce me to his mother as his future wife...
3. He wants to lure me to a hotel and have his way with me...

Needless to say, I haven't heard from him since.

Further proving that every man I've met in this city is either: married, gay, or crazy (of the religious zealotry kind), and sometimes, all three.  The first two traits: married and gay are not bad traits in a man, if he's just looking for friendship.  The third and all three together, can be kicked to the curb.

Meanwhile, I'm still available for dinner.