Speedee Mike

I had a strange experience recently....  The Wednesday before Thanksgiving I went to Speedee Oil Change, to of course, get my oil changed.  While I was there they were going to do a few other things as well, so I was waiting inside with a book.  A man came in and we had a nice 20 minute conversation.  Before he left he asked for my number and I gave it to him.  After this conversation, I knew his first name, approximately where he lived, he works in the hospitality industry, works two jobs and was working both jobs on Thanksgiving.  He knows my first name, that I live at Blue Plate Artist Lofts, and that I work at Garden District Book Shop.

Later Wednesday he texted me and thanked me for the pleasant conversation.  Thursday he texted, Happy Thanksgiving,  Then I didn't hear from him again until Sunday at 1:30PM, when he left me a message:

1. Apologizing for not calling me sooner.
2. Inviting me an party at 4PM, Sunday.
3. His MOTHER'S birthday party at a hotel!

My first reaction was, NO freakin way am I going anywhere on 31/2 hours notice.  And there is no way in hell I'm going to your mothers birthday party, we haven't even been on a date or even spoken for more than 20 minutes. Oh and go to a hotel?  Not in this lifetime.

He was at work when he left the message, so I politely texted him:  "Thank you for the invitation, but I'm busy today."  His response, "OK."

As I explained this to my coworkers: Ted and Susie, I elucidated, that I didn't even know his last name, so he is listed in my phone as Mike Speedee.  Yet, he wanted me to meet his mother.  They both agreed, that what I should be calling him is Speedee Mike.  A number of friends have theories about what his issue may be...so y'all pick the alternate ending.

1. He wants to poison me and taxidermy me to sit on the couch next to him forever and ever.
2. He wants to introduce me to his mother as his future wife...
3. He wants to lure me to a hotel and have his way with me...

Needless to say, I haven't heard from him since.

Further proving that every man I've met in this city is either: married, gay, or crazy (of the religious zealotry kind), and sometimes, all three.  The first two traits: married and gay are not bad traits in a man, if he's just looking for friendship.  The third and all three together, can be kicked to the curb.

Meanwhile, I'm still available for dinner.

Found Writing...

Finally finishing up the boxes in the apartment.  I found a few short things I wrote which I really like.  So I'm sharing:

#1

A lonely woman walked quietly along the road.  Holding her thoughts, wishes, and experiences in a beautiful bowl upon her head.  Careful not to spill them along the way.

Changes occurring daily to her body and soul...  Always carefully securing them into the bowl.

Along her road, she meets someone, they raise their hands in friendship.  She tips her bowl, a rainbow spills forth.

#2

Often in the pool of life,
The beauty of flowers goes unnoticed.
Natures can be unforgiving,
Allow beauty to escape your lips.

Live Your Legacy...

My friend, Sara Roahen's mom passed recently and the remembrance that Sara posted online was a heartfelt, tear-inducing tribute to a wonderful person.  So incredibly sad that another wonderful soul has been taken in their prime.  Adding to my list, my mother at 38, my brother at 19, my friend at 24, and a multitude of others.

Sara's amazing mother, made me start questioning my life.  Recently, I watched a program on television and it has stuck in my brain.  If you begin questioning where your life is going...write your obituary. 

Write the obituary you want to have lived, what you want to be remembered for, what you want people to think of when they think of you: a fabulous mother, an incredible friend, a helper of the needy, always smiling and positive, a great writer, a great photographer, a lover of  music, nature, history, a lover of life.

When you have written this incredible remembrance of you...work backward and write an action plan to get to this place. 

Nothing gets you living faster that an checklist.  Live your legacy.

Seen Any Mythological Creatures Lately...Grab a Camera!



Painting by Phil Sandusky

Working in the book shop often provides the funniest and most bizarre situations.  I've often said we could film a sitcom here...people would be constantly entertained.



Telephone Customer:  (After she asked about books in which the titles escaped her.)  How come there are so many festivals in this city? 

Me:  People that live here like to eat good food and listen to music.  They give the tourists a taste of New Orleans, and they help support local businesses.

Telephone Customer:  Don't they know they're creating a taxi shortage!  I don't know if you know there's a taxi shortage in in this city.

My Thoughts: I prefer that people drinking alcohol at the festivals ride home in a taxi and not be on the road when I am.

 

Pre-Hurricane Katrina he book shop phone number was very similar to the Winn Dixie Grocery Store.  Several times a day we'd get phone calls similar to this:

Me: Garden District Book Shop

 

Telephone Customer: (Shouts) Give me the meat department!

 

Me: Sir, this is a book shop.

 

Telephone Customer: This is Winn Dixie's number, give me the meat department!

 

Me: Sorry sir, this is still a book shop.

 

My Thoughts:  It's was always a male...sorry guys.

 

 

There is a Garden District Tour that leaves from the book shop twice a day, every day.  (For those of you unfamiliar with New Orleans, the Garden District is a very well-to-do neighborhood with incredible architecture.  Anne Rice, Sandra Bullock, John Goodman, Archie Manning, Nicholas Cage have all owned or currently own houses in this neighborhood.)



 

Customer: I'd like to buy tickets to the Garden District Tour?

 

Me:  There are no tickets, you just pay the Tour Guide.  You meet them in the back corner of the book shop (I pointed directly where they need to go.) five minutes before the tour begins.

 

Here are a few alternate endings to this conversation:

 

Customer:  Where's the book shop?  (This is after they walked under our sign and are standing among hundreds of books.)

 

Alternate Ending:

 

Customer:  Do I have to go outside to get there?

 

Alternate Ending:

 

Customer: So I wait outside?

 

My Thoughts:  I generally give tour instructions slowly to try to get them to listen...they never do.

 

 

 

 

Every Tuesday afternoon for about a month, a guy called and asked us to look up various sex books.  He never ordered anything.

My Thoughts:  I don't want to know what was going on at the other end of the phone...

 

 

 

Telephone Customer: I placed a special order and I'd like to check whether it has come in. She indicated that she placed an order for a Pocket Guide to Thailand and under the name D-W-E-E-B. (She spelled the name and never pronounced it.)  The employee searched for the order and could find nothing listed with that name. I began to help her search and searched the special order database for anything with Thailand in the title. A special order was displayed that had been placed two days before, on a Saturday. The special order was under a totally different name, Blaster.

Book Shop Employee: Excuse me, but this order is under a different name, B-L-A-S-T-E-R.

 

Telephone Customer: …oh yes, that’s one of my names.

 

My Thoughts:  And we would know you have multiple bizarre names, how?  Let alone that the order was placed on a Saturday and it was the following Monday.   There does need to be a business day in the mix to actually have UPS delivery. 

 

 

The New Orleans Saints are played in the Superbowl, 2010:

Co-Worker: I have absolutely loved explaining to customers today that the reason the streetcar isn't running is because there is a parade of men wearing dresses to honor a deceased sportscaster.

I told him I’d be willing to work, so I could tell them.

  

The sportscaster, Buddy D passed the previous year. Buddy always said if the Saints went to the Superbowl, he’d wear a dress. He even had one hanging in his office for that sole purpose.
 

 We had a customer who could not read James Patterson hard covers, as the paper and ink made her hands itch   Seriously...



 

Telephone Customer:  I would like you to get me a signed copy of Kate Chopin's Awakening and I'd like her to sign it to my father.

 

Me: Kate Chopin is dead...  Died in 1904.

 

Telephone Customer: Handle it and then send it to my father. 

 

 



 

This is far too funny not to share...  My boss' name is Britton Trice.  Everyday when we receive the mail or take telephone calls -  his name is butchered in every imaginable way:  Tritton Brice, Brighton Rice to name a few.  But a few years ago he received a check in the mail from someone local, who's known him for years and the check was made out to "Bitten Twice." 

 

This is hysterical on so many levels...our shop is where Anne Rice used to sign books when she lived in New Orleans and then the whole New Orleans Vampire scene.  We have given serious thought to getting him a tshirt with this on it. 

 

Meanwhile the local check writer is swearing off spell check.

 



 

And one of my favorites:

Me: Garden District Book Shop

Telephone Customer: I'd like a photograph book of mythological creatures?


My Thoughts:  Hmmm...they're mythological!

Pardon Me, I Didn't Hear You

I lost the hearing in my left ear at 19. This resulted from the antibiotics given to me for bacterial meningitis, and that story is a whole other blog.

My discovery occurred, the day I came home from the hospital (for the first time) when trying to make a phone call with the phone to my left ear. I insisted the the telephone was broken. It was a very rude awakening.

But, today I want to write about the interesting things I've learned since losing my hearing.

• Never answer yes to anything you don't hear. At 19, you are young and silly, seriously, and you do many bizarre things when you can't hear with both ears. I cannot tell you how many times I did this before the realization sunk in that this was not a good idea. But after many lewd proposals, I stopped.
  • Don't be embarrassed to tell people you cannot hear them. Make a joke of this...if people are rude, they're either really uncomfortable about your hearing lose or not really your friends.
   
  

  
  
• It's impossible to ride a bike with someone riding next to you or with cars passing close to you. You'll fall over, you have NO balance. If someone comes up behind you and shouts that they are there, you'll have no idea exactly where that might be. I had huge mirrors on my bike and only rode early in the morning, but it became so stressful making sure I wasn't cutting someone off or pulling into traffic - I sold my bike.
  • Walking is wonderfully enjoyable.
  
  

  
  
• In a group situation always sit at the end of the table facing everyone (preferably with your back against a wall, so the sound bounces off the wall), you can then see when someone is speaking and focus on them.
  • Most of my friends know that this is not something I enjoy. So large group restaurant/bar events are kept at a minimum.
   
  

  
  
• You cannot go to loud enclosed concerts, as you are at risk of losing the remainder of your hearing.
  • But New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival, French Quarter Fest, Wednesday's at the Square, Second Lines, and much more - the plethora of outdoor music in New Orleans is fabulous and beyond compare. If you go to a bar to listen to music, sit as far as possible from speaker, preferably near the door.
  
  
• You never know which direction a siren is coming from.
  • Use your eyes instead of your ears.
  
  

  
  
• When you're tired you walk too close to walls on your deaf side.
  
  • Bruises heal.
    

• Reading lips is exhausting. 90% of lipreading is body language and context. A lot of words look similar (e.g. pig/big, hand/sand/stand, black/bland/blunt, cat/can). Men are harder to lipread than woman, because most men use little body language and minimal lip movement. If the man has a mustache, it's near impossible - especially a bushy mustache. You notice EVERYONE's teeth.
  • Know that when you go off to a corner searching for quiet...it's time to leave.
  
  

  
  
• Loud noises and commotion will make you insane.
  • Know this and try to get out of these situations.
  
  
  
• Be prepared for lack of understanding and (unfortunately) sometimes, stupidity:
   





 


 
• People talking with no sound coming out (in my experience it's always men).
• People pretending to do sign language.
• People covering their mouths when they realize you're reading their lips or alternately covering their mouths and speaking.
• Whispering in the deaf ear.
My niece, Jillian, used to tell me secrets...they were always in my deaf ear.  I'd laugh and tell her they were secret from everyone.  So I had my deaf ear double-pierced, then Jillian would come to tell me a secret and she would see two earrings and know there was no hearing.  Then she'd come around to my other ear.
• Standing behind shelves or in another room and calling you (when you're deaf in one ear you have no sense of direction.)  Unless you can see the person, you have no idea where they are located.

• Loud throbbing bass in cars to the front, back, or side of you will make you dizzy.  Don't know the science of this...but it's happened to me many times.  Roll your windows up and plug your good ear, and move away when you can.

• Surround sound and headphones are useless...you only hear in mono.

But ultimately, there are many things that have occurred because of my deafness that outweigh the fact that I cannot hear correctly.

My other senses are sharper:

• Colors are brighter

• Music is sweeter

Lucia Micarelli (aka. Annie T) and John Boutte

• Smiling faces are amazingly beautiful

 

• Laughter is musically wonderful

This will make you happy for the rest of the day...bet you watch it multiple times!

• Clouds are stunning

• Sign Language is understanding in motion.

• Beauty surrounds you, daily.  Don't miss it...

It's a Sin to Kill a Mockingbird!

Today the universe is telling me I need to blog on To Kill A Mockingbird...

Last week I sent my great-niece a hardcover of the book To Kill a Mockingbird, for her 14th birthday.  This morning just after I realized the movie was on, my great-niece sent me an email message thanking me for the for book and elucidating that she has always wanted to read it.  I told her this is one of my favorite books and weirdly the movie based on the book is on television right now.

So I just watched the movie, To Kill a Mockingbird...yet again.  And I am always blown away when I see Boo Radley.  I know he's going to be there, but I'm always surprised to see him.  My memory is good that way, allowing me to see things as if it were the first time. 



So today has been a wonder of reading online, all things To Kill a Mockingbird.  This book has so many amazing thoughts embedded inside, it's like a treasure trove.  I find it hard to believe that it was intentional on Harper Lee's part...I'm of the feeling that she was just telling an incredible heartrending story and magic happened.   Pulitzer prize-winning magic.  Banned 17 times, as recently as 2009.  While there are things that happen in this book that are unacceptable, is was set in Alabama in 1960 and is true to what was happening in society at that time.  AND IT'S FICTION, PEOPLE!

To me the main themes of the book involve racial injustice and the destruction of innocence.   The mockingbird represents true goodness and innocence that should always be protected.  In this book, Boo Radley and Tom Robinson are both "mockingbirds."

So maybe my point is this...there are mockingbirds in all our lives,  and we need to protect and celebrate the fact that this goodness and innocence still exists. 

I believe that people are generally good at heart.  Some just lose their way and need to recall their direction.  So there is still hope for us all.

 

As Atticus was wont to say, "It's not time to worry yet."


So go gently in this life, making sure to listen to the Mockingbird's song...

Miss Manners and the Missing Manners

Sunday I was aggravated...common courtesy and manners have flown out the window with people recently. Rudeness assaults you at every turn.
 

Don't let me get started about the group of people (who've had noise issues in their apartments) who partied 24 hours a day for 3 days outside my apartment during Hurricane Isaac. Who then told me, I was rude when I asked them if they could please take the party to their apartment (as it was after 10PM) so I could get some sleep.

 

Sunday morning, someone who borrowed something from me, pounded on my door before 9AM. Then while standing less than ten inches from my door, lit a cigarette (I do not smoke and NEVER have). I could barely open the door.  She never spoke or looked at me, but flung the borrowed item sideways to me, then walked away. I was so astonished I said, “Thank you.” Which was ridiculous, since she borrowed it from me.

Shortly thereafter, my neighbor had her music turned up so loud I could barely concentrate on what I was typing? I have no idea how she could be in her apartment with it so loud, I wanted to flee mine.

Daily, people come into the book shop and do business while on their cell phones. Sorry people, but nobody is that important. That you should be so rude as to totally ignore the person who is helping you, speaks volumes on your character, and makes me know that I do not want you in my personal life.

Oh, and they walk around the book shop and the atrium outside the shop carrying on their conversation so loudly, that I know they're getting a divorce and what the *sshole spouse is trying to do to screw them or the fact that they're meeting someone at the Starbuck's on Harrison Avenue at noon. Seriously people, take your conversation to your car or home...we don't need or care to hear it.

 



 

And I was never taught that shouting "Travel" or "Bestsellers" or any single word is sufficient when asking for something? In the real world, "Could you please tell me where the travel section is located?", would be a question that might be asked.

For those of you who text and answer your phone while you're having dinner, lunch, drinks or just visiting with a friend, your manners are lacking as well. (Unless it's a medical or child/sibling/parent related emergency...your phone should not even be visible.) Be where you are at, while you are there.

Say please, and thank you. Smile and treat people they way you wish to be treated. Revisit your childhood and use the manners you where taught as a child. And if you were never taught any manners, shame on your parents. But it's never to late to learn, please.